I want to share with you about a transformative aspect of my work called embracing our shadows and integral leadership.

I help business leaders, entrepreneurs, coaches and healers to rise into their most powerful and integrated selves through unraveling the dynamics that keep them stuck or limited.

Being stuck is painful.

Operating through our blindspots is vulnerable and exposing.

Our reactivity can make us behave in ways that are counter to who we want to be, and what we most want to create.

Let me tell you about two clients I worked with recently, who run a business together. I'll call them Genevieve and Jonathan.

As you read, you might notice that their challenges sound like conflicts between spouses, even though they are not in a romantic relationship.

Of course, business relationships bring out our wounds, just as intimate relationships do - but often there is even less room in the business world to talk about these things.

I'm trying to change that, so we can heal our relationship to each other and ourselves through our work.

Business and work can be a profound transformational and spiritual path -- no matter what industry we're in.

My two client’s transformative break-through together

Genevieve was at the end of her rope, feeling that Jonathan perpetually criticized and steamrolled over her ideas.

"He thinks he's an open-minded leader, but really he's critical and controlling", she told me. "I'm getting tired of suggesting ideas to him because he doesn't listen anyway."

Meanwhile, Jonathon had no idea what Genevieve felt. He perceived himself as a very charismatic and effective leader, because people generally did what he told them to do.

While helping Genevieve prepare to have a very courageous conversation with Jonathan we also explored her triggers and blind spots. It became clear to her that her role in reinforcing this dynamic was by remaining silent.

We got here by exploring one of her lifelong fears, which was: "If I share my experience I'll be attacked and blamed for my feelings -- and even worse, people will punish me by disconnecting and withdrawing."

But Genevieve knew that as an evolving leader, it was her responsibility to seek balance in her work with Jonathan, not just for herself but on behalf of the whole team.

During our individual coaching calls, I set the framework for both Genevieve and Jonathan to explore this process as a messy and evolutionary leadership threshold.

I wanted to interrupt any subtext that was reinforcing a narrative that this pain point was the result of a shortcoming -- or an indicator that something (or someone) was broken.

Reactive stories tend to perpetuate and reinforce narratives of pointing fingers with blame -- or blaming ourselves which causes shame.

What integral leadership looks like in action...

This is what happened when the three of us met -- it was remarkable.

Jonathan said in a humble and soft voice, "I feel relieved and exposed. I now have enough self-awareness to know that I'm contributing to this power dynamic. But, I still don't know how to change it."

He felt ashamed that he had become a "tyrant" (his word) and disclosed how this was happening at home with his wife and kids too, but he hadn’t been able to see it until now.

Then he shared stories about this childhood – the times his father humiliated him and called him a baby for expressing emotions. Or, when he chased Jonathon across the yard flailing tools at him for receiving a low grade in school.

He'd had no choice as a child other than to "man up" (as his dad would say) and use control and dominance to create safety and power.

We co-created a breakthrough that day.

Jonathon softened into a very tender place inside, simply by being seen and welcomed without any judgment. Meanwhile, Genevieve did some deep healing, too, shifting the factors that had led her to remain silent.

As a result of this, and other similar meetings together, Genevieve and Jonathan's work flourished, and they felt the benefit of digging this deep together as it supported healing in other aspects of their lives, too.

Can you relate to any part of this story?

Do you want this kind of healing in your business or work life?

The hallmark of integral leadership

Genevieve and Jonathon's story is an example of integral leadership. They opened their hearts towards their personal shadows. Towards the behaviors of protecting, compliance and controlling to manage anxiety and fear.

As you may have discovered for yourself, we don't do this in a vacuum, we do this together. Each one of us owns the role we play in power dynamics and relationship challenges.

If this is your leadership practice then you know how frustrating and challenging it is to operate in systems where everyone is not committed to this.

Beneath the strategy and culture change work I do with leaders, this is at the heart of my coaching. I dig deep to the root, with compassion and a shared vision to liberate and heal exiled parts of self.

Digging to the root

Three of the most common threat responses that drive most power dynamics are behaviors of protection, control and compliance.

I study systems, people and relationship dynamics. I study myself to better understand you. It's not only a passion -- it's my way of living, loving and integrating my own shadows.

When I am able to see my role in the dynamics with others that are based on fear and scarcity - over love and curiosity -- I dig deep and excavate more compassion and understanding of why we do what we do to create safety.

Integral Leadership immersions with Anne-Marie

I support business partners, entrepreneurs, coaches, healers and therapists seeking to take your leadership influence and gifts to the next level.

Are you one of the leaders who I'm calling to join me? Or, is someone you know waiting for this level of support and catalyzing transformation?

Please contact me if you feel called to learn more about this transformational process of integral leadership and business transformation.